Do you know how loyal you are to your ancestors? Do you think we inherit only their looks?
What about the perception of the world, life experiences, and mood?
Do we inherit... or do we learn to see life using glasses that are invisible to us?
I was a prisoner of some family patterns that I wasn't aware of until I started to go to Family Constellation (FC) sessions.
The first thing brought to light was that I wanted a closer relationship with my dad. I wanted to feel that he loved me. This need l had made me always doubt how much people loved me or liked me. Sometimes I would attract people that were not emotionally available, or if and when they were... I would not believe it. It sounds like a common problem in therapy. But what I came to find out was that as a child, in reality, "I adopted" my mom's perception of her relationship with my dad.
She was the one that didn't believe he liked her....
During my first FC session I saw the person that represented my mom say to the person representing me:
"Stay with me, he doesn't love me, and the way he treats you shows that he doesn't love you as well."
I also found out later, that my mom felt abandoned as a child, but she wasn't abandoned. Her feeling was also not her own, but rather her mom's, ( my grandmother.) My grandmother did lose both of her parents by the age of 13... and her daughter, my mom, inherited this emotional disposition, this fear, this unspoken belief.
It wasn't until I started to look though the lens of FC that I began to see that many of one's unspoken core beliefs come not from our own personal experience, but rather the dynamics of our family system. Long story short: I have started to understand and accept the way my dad shows love. Now, after some years of transformation, I have a relationship with him that I could never have imagined before.
"Children seldom or never dare to live a happier or more fulfilling life than their parents. Unconsciously they remain loyal to unspoken family traditions that work invisibly. Family Constellations are a way of discovering underlying family bonds and forces that have been carried unconsciously over several generations." -Bertold Ulsamer
A Family Constellation is a three-dimensional group process that has the power to shift generations of suffering and unhappiness. Bert Hellinger, the founder of this work, who studied and treated families for more than 50 years, observed that many of us unconsciously "take on" destructive familial patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, loneliness, alcoholism and even illness as a way of "belonging" in our families. Bonded by a deep love, a child will often sacrifice his own best interests in a vain attempt to ease the suffering of a parent or other family member. Family Constellations allow us to break these patterns so that we can live healthier, happier, more fulfilled lives. In a moment of insight, a new life course can be set in motion. The results can be life-changing.